RHOC airs one week from today. Each season, I have a smorgasbord of feelings the week before Housewives airs: excitement, nervousness, anticipation, joy, apprehension, regret, relief, yes, no, hurry up, don’t air …all at once!
The number one question I am getting asked lately is why I am returning to RHOC after such a torturous year last year. I have to be honest…sometimes I wonder why too. So I really wanted to use my own blog as a form of therapy for me, to understand exactly why I did decide to return.
I signed up for the world of reality tv four years ago. I opened my life to for the world to see. I became an open book, with boogers and all to show. Fast forward to this year…year four. So much has happened: good, bad, funny and sad. Throughout these four years, I’ve had amazing moments documented, like my daughters birthday party; moments that were hilarious, like my Vegas makeup job; and moments that were embarrassing, like my sinus surgery. Yet, I have no regrets. I feel everything happens for a reason. It’s no secret that last year was one of the toughest years of my life. Watching the season play back, I felt abandoned, confused and blind-sided. In thirty-five years of living on this Earth I have never had women treat me that way. So at the end of the season, I was wrecked. I felt defeated. And I quit. I quit the show. And I was entirely content with my decision. I thought AT THAT TIME that is was the best decision for myself, and my family.
One month after I quit, Evolution (the production company) reached out to me and asked me to reconsider my decision. I realized at that moment I needed to re-think my decision. One thought that kept flashing in front of my eyes in bright neon was “Is this the message you want to send to your children? The message that it is ok to quit when times get tough?” I was disgusted at the thought of that! I won’t let my son skip soccer practice when he doesn’t feel up to going, yet I am quitting my career? No, I did not want to send that message to my children. I wanted my children to know that mommy wouldn’t allow other’s negativity to squash my dreams. Suddenly I got a fire in me. Suddenly I wanted to prove to myself that NOBODY would stand in my way.
This year I am so excited to see the new adventures we’ve experienced! I know there are many surprises to come, good, bad ugly and sad. One thing I know for sure is you will see the REAL relationship between Jim and I. He filmed a lot more this season and I am so grateful because we had some funny, happy, memorable moments. This year you will also see a different side of me. A stronger me.
So here I am, one week before the show airs and I am in that same state- the smorgasbord. All I know after writing this blog is that I am so thankful for one thing. God. He has been my constant. He is the one that gives me my strength. Thank you, Jesus.