Since my debut on Real Housewives of Orange County, I have been truthful about my belief system, what I stand for, and about my faith as a Christian woman, wife, and mother. What I have not always been truthful about is how it has made me feel to be Christian in a setting where infinite variables are pitted against me. It seems everyone is looking for contradictory behavior that “proves” I’m not a “real” Christian. Here’s an example: Some have said, “If you believe in God and that He has a plan, isn’t it going against His plan to alter your body with breast augmentation or Botox?” Here’s another one: “Real Christians don’t dress the way you dress—my pastor would drop dead if he saw a member of his congregation in that outfit.” And yet another one: “I can’t believe you allow your children to dress up for Halloween, a holiday that celebrates Satan.”

Part of me wants to slap on my shortest shorts, hop on my soapbox in my highest spike heels, and start yelling out things like, “What kind of Christian would YOU like me to be?” or “What kind of Christian—who isn’t supposed to judge—would say that someone isn’t a ‘real’ Christian because of a wardrobe choice?” Another part of me—the part you usually see on the show—wants to turn the other cheek, take things with a grain of salt, and remember that we are all entitled to our own opinions. So here’s mine!

It’s one thing to go out there with your opinion and say what you have to say about anyone, and it’s quite another thing to hide behind a keyboard with an anonymous username and slash someone’s guts out in an open forum for no other reason than you don’t believe in cosmetic surgery. It’s one thing to respectfully disagree, and quite another to blatantly misuse an opportunity to further what you believe is the truth. When I decided to come onto Real Housewives, I did so for a few reasons, not the least of which was to raise up the Lord so that even if one young woman saw that I believed, they could too. Since I began the show, I have received countless tweets, Facebook comments, blog comments, and emails from people telling me they went to church because I said I was going, had started to read the Bible after years of cutting themselves off from God, had begun working in various charities because of something I said that stirred something in them. THAT is the kind of thing that makes me ecstatic! I didn’t come on the show to convert the country, or to get more women to be “just like me”—everyone has their own private, personal relationship with God, and that relationship is no one else’s business. I did come on the show expecting to raise up and glorify my God.

Just like no two people are exactly alike, no two Christians are either. There are no two Christians in this world who believe precisely, down to chapter and verse, exactly alike. And with the huge number of denominations out there (why I go to a nondenominational church!) the chances are even higher that you or I will run into someone who is indeed Christian, but not Christian in the exact same way. Being anything in life should not be like looking in a mirror. I believe that Jesus wants us to explore all parts of our spirituality and religion—if we have doubts, we should look into them. The Lord knows, since I started on the show, I have gone to my Bible numerous times to reexamine specific topics and either be reminded of why I believe something, or have it challenged. And then something magical happens… I learn more about the world, the people in it, why I believe a certain way. This allows me to take a stance—it allows me to KNOW what I stand for, what I stand against, and what I still need time to understand. To me, the teachings of Christ are about an ongoing process to develop into the best person you can be. But here’s the catch: what I believe is the best person I can be involves celebrating Halloween with my children (with ONLY positive, non-gory, non evil attire), enjoying fun time with my girlfriends, and yes, I believe it is okay for me to have a procedure done on my body because it boosts my confidence and I believe that God wants me to be happy. That doesn’t mean that the same procedure would make you happy, but if you’re Christian, to me, it means you’re happy then I’m happy because you understand that God wants ALL his children to be happy.

I’m tired of being judged as a Christian. Yes, I am on TV and that means I have knowingly opened myself up to be criticized, chastised, and judged. But when I post something on Facebook about going on Playboy Radio and I am told I’m not Christian, it makes me scratch my head. Did you know that Playboy gives millions of dollars to charities all over the world, including March of Dimes, and several other children’s organizations? I’m not ashamed to have been on Playboy radio at all! The Bible tells us to take the message of Christ NOT to those who already “get it,” but to those who are still in darkness who haven’t yet embraced the Lord.

I am just a regular person who lives in a place and time that happens to be televised because it has caught the interest of people. I was not equipped in the early days to hear such hate speech aimed right at me for reasons I just couldn’t understand. Now things are different. I see a hateful comment or tweet, it makes my heart stop for a second, and I try to understand where someone could be coming from to say something like that. Some people make points that are valid—and it’s too bad their valid point is veiled in so much hatred. I feel like we could all come to understand each other better if we would just come right out with what we mean to say and not wrap it in hate. I hope this blog entry will begin an open and mature dialog about these issues.

Is it really so hard to just take a step back and ask why something makes you so angry? Not really once you learn how. Instead of spouting off in anger, ask yourself first, “Why does this make me so mad?” If you find you have a genuine issue, then raise it peacefully. I think we’d all get a lot more out of each other and have a much better understanding of one another if we would live and let live a little more, and if we tried harder to understand rather than immediately dismissing someone for doing something we find disagreeable.

I do have to admit that some of you have brought very insightful points of views to me over the past few years. I have definitely learned from a lot from you. I know I’m nowhere near perfect, and I do make mistakes, plenty of them. I have spent my fair share of days crying to the Lord during worship, simply asking him to forgive me and help lead me in the right direction to prevent the same wrong from happening. However, I am on this journey, along with everyone else, and I am sure to fall again. I just want to take the time to thank all of you who have opened my eyes and helped me grow in my walk with God.

In my heart I am Christian, and I am married to a Christian man, raising a Christian family. I am doing the best I can to be the best person I know how. I’m not losing any sleep over my relationship with the Lord because I know he loves me and everyone else too. I will continue to be exactly who I am without apologies. I love the life I have chosen, and I love working hard at making it better everyday. I see the goodness in thousands of people everyday, and for that I am blessed. My final thoughts– Be faithful to whatever you believe in. Do good in this world. Don’t worry about what someone else is wearing, saying, doing. Focus on your family and your actions and try to better them every day. Hate is an emotion that wastes a lot of energy. Be good and be good to yourself!

xoxo

-Alexis

This blog is not going to be like other blogs. I have had to do some soul-searching recently, and I want to share with each of you what I have discovered.

Life is about challenges… good, bad, pretty and ugly ones. There are many times that heartache, stress, pain, new endeavors, moves, promotions, etc., occur and you need a friend to lean on or share your joy. Friends are an important when it comes to sharing these successes, failures, joys, or sadnesses. When your heart hurts, a good friend and a cup of tea can be the safest place to land; but there are times friends can’t be there—and sometimes, the very people you thought you could turn to for anything simply fall of the map or walk away for reasons you can’t understand.

It’s hard to figure out which hurts more—the pain from the issue you are dealing with, or the fact that the person you expected to lean on isn’t there for you. It’s a complete devastation to find out that someone was NOT who you thought they were; or that someone you have always been there for was not there for you. I’ve recently been through this, and on more than one ocassion, and I decided that instead of seeing times like these as “downer,”  I was going to see it as a blessing from God—it’s an opportunity for you to see who that person was all along. It’s also a time for you to discover what YOU are capable of, and learn how to lean on yourself! So how do you do that? How do you learn to lean on you?

I have found that one of the best ways to work through the tornado of feelings storming inside of me is to journal. Yes, this sounds a little outrageous, I mean WHO has time to sit and journal? However, when times get really tough for me, journaling has been a lifesaver. Remember that little pink diary we all had as little girls? Didn’t you always feel better once you had talked to “Dear Diary” at night? As adults, you can do the same thing. There are times I want to express my feelings without limits, and when you journal, you get all of your true, raw, unedited feelings out. (Obviously I keep my journaling private.) Once you reread what you’ve written, even just five minutes later, all kinds of answers and affirmations will start coming to you—it’s a miracle!

When you can’t count on outside sources to comfort you, remember that one source will always be there: God! You can pray, ask for forgiveness, or just talk to our Father. He’s always there, especially when it least feels like he isn’t. There are times I feel like I’m going through something all on my own, yet I know He is there and I have learned that these are the times He wants me to put together the puzzle pieces muself so I can learn whatever it is I’m suppose to be learning. If God gave us everything on a silver platter, life wouldn’t ever be hard, and the hard parts are where our character is built and our lessons are learned. Without the hard parts in life, the good parts would never seem good! Feeling blessed is one of the most rewarding feelings in life, and usually after a rough patch that you’ve resolved on your own, you feel pretty darn blessed!

If I’m going through a difficult time, and I feel alone, I will take notice of the little things in life to brighten my day. For example, if you have children, watch them play, watch them be silly with their spaghetti, tuck them in and when you crack open their bedroom door at night to check in on them, feel that skip of your heartbeat as you take in the beautiful image of your sleeping angels! Nothing lifts away pain like remembering what it’s all about: FAMILY! (Besides the fact that our babies are so much cuter when they are sleeping… LOL!) Or how about eavesdropping on your children’s conversations they are having. That always makes me laugh. Other times I take a walk on the beach and realize how beautiful the ocean is.

Most importantly, what I have learned that makes me feel good in a down time is doing something nice for someone else. You don’t need a friend to do that! Someone years ago told me that when you’re starving, go help someone find a meal, when you’re poor, go help someone else find work, when you’re sad, go cheer someone up. It’s such a win-win to engage in this kind of thinking and behavior because you’re helping someone else and you won’t believe how much you are REALLY helping yourself! When you work to acts of kindness, it reminds you of things you may have forgotten—something as simple BUT as important as, “Hey, I am a good person!” Remembering you are a good woman, wife, mother, and person in and of itself can sometimes resolve issues and/or drama in your life.

So when there’s no one to turn to, no matter what their reasons are, REMEMBER, there are two people who you will always have: yourself and God.

xoxo,
Alexis

Well Moms,

It’s that time of year again—loading up on pencils and notebooks, new shoes, haircuts, lunchboxes… and mommy’s tears! It’s time for school, and in the Bellino home, it’s my FIRST child going off to Kindergarten. My baby is not a baby anymore! Boo hoo hoo hoo.  How is such a happy, monumental time so darn gloomy too?  Am I the only mom who has “excited-ness” AND extreme sadness running through me? How am I possibly going to hold it together when I drop him off at his first day of school? Will I be able to hold the tears back until I get to the car?  It’s hard to explain to my son that my tears are for TWO reasons, so it’s best just to say goodbye with a lump in my throat.

Summer seems to have flown by, and I realized by receiving all of the letters in the mail about what to do before the first day at St. Ann’s that school is literally around the corner.  So while heading off to school is obviously an event about your child, it also has it’s role for you to play. It’s up to us moms to get all the kid’s immunizations, documents, clothes, and school supplies in order!

I know it’s normal to feel sad, overwhelmed, and kind of just not know what to do with myself. The best thing to do is make lists, stay focused, and remember that life is still going on outside of school preparation (you will still need to get that dry cleaning AND make dinner even though you spent 3 hours at the store looking for that EXACT notebook the teacher REQUIRES!)

My angel: All ready for school!

Keep things light and exciting and happy for your babies so they have positive associations with school and they’ll be happy when that first day arrives. For us moms, that might mean late-night tearful sandwich making, or catching up on bills after lights out. But that week or two before school it’s important that your kids know it’s approaching, it’s exciting, it’s great, and they will LOVE it! Knowing that in 3 short weeks I will be dropping them off at school for that first time just reminds me how much time has passed and I can’t help but feel emotional because my babies are not babies anymore!

I must be honest though, I am kind of giddy knowing that my sweet angels will be in school from 8am-2pm every Monday-Friday. (Yes, I’m sending the girls to pre-k from 8am-2pm as well).  All I can think about is that I will now have 6 hours every single day to tend to my own personal business! My office has needed organized for over 3 months, my cabinets in my entire home all need straightened and cleaned out, I can maybe actually finish reading one of the 4 books I have started, I can run those errands that I never had time to squeeze in in the past…. Ahhhh, it’s really not easy for me to wrap my head around all of that! The best part is that there will be no ‘mommy guilt’ running through me that they are with the nanny while I’m filming Housewives, or doing emails, or running errands!  They are at school learning Spanish and doing projects!! Yipeeeee! So I guess my advice to each of you is to make sure you have your priorities in an order that works for you, and make sure that YOU are one of those priorities! Do yoga, take a nice bath, and make sure you take some time during the school week to do at least one thing for yourself!

It’s always a good idea to let your children know how proud you are of them the night before school starts, and again when you drop them off (but not in front of their friends!! LOL) But as you pull away, remember there is someone else to be proud of too: YOU! So here’s to all you moms this year as the big day approaches!!

xoxo

Alexis

A lot of you, my amazing fans, are asking me how do I do all that I do…hair, makeup, workout etc., with THREE children under six years old, so here are my top 15 tips to BEATING THE FRUMPY MOM SYNDROME!

GET OUT OF THE SWEATS!! This is the absolute FIRST step to changing how you feel about yourself as a stay-at-home mom! It’s too easy to get into the rut of keeping your cute sweat suit on, however, it’s the biggest mistake possible! Get dressed! It might seem strange to get dressed if you don’t plan on going out for a major event, but putting on an outfit sends a message: “I care about how I look because I care about myself.”

HANG A PICTURE OF YOURSELF FROM 10 YEARS AGO: A pic that says, “WOW, look how great I looked!” Use this for inspiration every morning! (Or you can do what I did and put a photo of a Victoria Secret model up so I had no choice but to get myself ready!) A pic of yourself is better though because you’re just as beautiful now as you were then… you just forgot!

DRESS FOR YOUR NEW BODY: If you’ve had a baby, your body has changed. That’s not a bad thing… but it does mean you may have to learn how to dress a new body type. HINT: Maternity clothes are not ok! If your hips grew, dress in maxi dresses. If your cha-chas don’t fit anywhere, wear stretchy tanks with a cardigan over. If you have the mommy ‘pooch’, wear a cute top that has the elastic around the waist and is flowy.

APPLY MAKEUP: Even if it’s simply powder and lip gloss, you must do SOMETHING!

DO YOUR HAIR! Not just putting it in a ponytail either!! Actually comb, style, curl…whatever you USE To do!

MANI/PEDI: AT LEAST once a month: it doesn’t have to be expensive; it can even be at home. It’s just another “pick-me-up” that feels AND looks good!

UPKEEP YOUR MAINTENANCE: Shower daily, shave, get a haircut at least once every 8 weeks. If you’re hair is color treated, you have to keep up with your roots!

TURN THE TV OFF: You can only watch Oprah re-runs, soaps, talk shows etc. for so long before going insane! Do ANYTHING except watch TV.

GO OUT TO DINNER (or lunch): You need adult time too! 24 hours of baby talk will make anyone crazy! Your honey or your girlfriends miss you! Use this chance to really go all out on the clothes, makeup, shoes, and accessories. You’ll suddenly remember you ARE hot!

GET ORGANIZED: Taking the kids to play dates and running around is no excuse to be dragging around an old, disorganized handbag. Organize your handbag, diaper bag, etc. I know it sounds strange, but it will make you feel better about yourself. You don’t need that receipt for that lip-gloss you bought in 1987! LOL:)

WATCH WHAT YOU EAT: Really think about what you are putting in your mouth! Don’t be lazy and think, “oh I’m too tired to cook, I’ll just run by McDonald’s”
Actually take the time to cook fresh veggies, meats, etc.  Read the labels on food and know what you’re putting into your body: Say no to artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, high sodium, high fat, high carbs, etc. You’ll feel better AND look better for it!

GET OUTSIDE: Take kids to park, pool, friends house, etc.! Whatever you want to do that is not in YOUR OWN HOME!

WORKOUT: Walk around the neighborhood pushing the stroller, add some ankle weights, do a yoga video while the munchkin sleeps…etc.! Take care of you and you will take care of everyone else even better!

EAT BRIGHT FOODS: The fresh taste of bright fruits and veggies invigorates the body and brightens the skin too. Fresh fruit is a great way to start the day—right after your teeth are brushed and your makeup is on

NO COMPLAINING! It’s so easy to fall into the pattern of calling your bf and whining and complaining…but STOP! Turn any negative thought into a positive one and watch how much better you feel…instantly!